


Not Bliss

by Runespoor



Category: Naruto
Genre: Denial, During the Time Skip, Gen, Subtext
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 02:58:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7600768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Runespoor/pseuds/Runespoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he left Konoha, Sasuke didn’t know about the Kyuubi and Naruto.</p><p>(or: Sasuke pays the price of a secret not his and is the king of denial. Again.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Bliss

**Author's Note:**

> an older work I edited some, as I remain fond of the idea.
> 
> I almost want to warn for "Orochimaru & Sasuke", but I figure this isn't really any more creepy and certainly less graphic than canon, so. Consider yourself warned about Orochimaru being creepy re:Sasuke.

The first few months, Sasuke spends grabbing every snatch of training Orochimaru flings at him.  


His new teacher has him practice ninjutsu and taijutsu and teaches him the rudiments of sealing and trains him in kenjutsu and makes him memorize long trails of codes concealed within poetry and build up resistance against poison, and every night Sasuke falls into bed like a puppet with its strings cut and sleep straight through the night.

He doesn’t need to demand being taught _more_. The Snake Sannin is one of the most efficient teachers the Leaf ever produced, and he makes it clear Sasuke has no competition for his attention. Orochimaru, it seems, always has time for Sasuke.  


Sasuke’s too busy, in short, too tired and sore to stop and think about why he came to Orochimaru.

He doesn’t need to wonder. The answer is glaring enough, sizzling between his fingers when Orochimaru encourages him into focusing Chidori until he can twist it into any shape strikes his fancy.

He doesn’t think about why he left Konoha either.  


Doesn’t.  


(Dreams do not count; he has no dreams.)  


Doesn’t think of Konoha, but-- that’s because he doesn’t want to think about Naruto. 

And Sakura, and Kakashi. 

But mostly Naruto. 

He doesn’t want to think about Kakashi lecturing him or about Sakura’s tears, and above all doesn’t want to think about the fight with Naruto. 

Any fight with Naruto, really.

Because when he does — midway into a seal that makes electricity crackle on his skin, before the first mouthful of salty broth and grease, exhausted to his bones at night limbs as heavy as after a day spent failing to walk up a tree somewhere in Wave — it’s hard to remember that he’s the one who won. The fight, in the End.

He can’t shake the idea that Naruto was aiming for his brow, not his chest, and that when he left, there was a deep slash across the Leaf symbol. Naruto was right. He _could_ put a scratch on Sasuke.

Of course, that was exactly why Sasuke had to leave. Kakashi’s teachings were useful, Sasuke wouldn’t hold onto Chidori otherwise, but time passed and suddenly Sasuke wasn’t good enough to keep beating Naruto.

Sasuke doesn’t want to remember what powerlessness feels like, so he doesn’t think of Konoha - or Naruto. Even if thoughts of Naruto spur him on, ozone in the back of his throat, adrenaline shivering down his arms, pushing himself until the moon breaks into dawn.

Five months into his apprenticeship, Orochimaru tells him about the Kyuubi.

Or rather: reminds him. 

It’s a mention between two commas, casual as an afterthought. Something Sasuke should already know. Something Sasuke certainly knew already, something he couldn’t _not_ know.

At the time Orochimaru is talking about using one’s advantages to the utmost, and Naruto’s name comes up in relation with the Nine-Tailed Fox.

The electric chakra on Sasuke’s chokuto fizzles and dies.

Orochimaru’s features go blank for too short an instant for the reaction to be anything but genuine. The narrowing of yellow eyes comes after.

“What, didn’t you know, Sasuke-kun?” he mutters, musing.

Sasuke stares at his master. His blood has started pounding, drowning what’s outside. As though underwater —like that time he threw himself into the pond to keep himself away from the empty compound longer— he tries to count the ways Orochimaru may be lying to him, and keep breathing. 

Before Sasuke’s troubled eyes, Orochimaru’s lips elongate and he bursts out laughing.

Orochimaru’s laughter reverberates on the red stone of the chamber walls, and Sasuke stiffens his shoulders so he won’t flinch. 

Later, when Sasuke has stopped training for hours now and he’s alone in the room that is his, he stays unmoving for long minutes before his fist punches the wall. His breathing comes uneven and ragged in the silent room. His nails are biting into his palms like a thousand recriminations.

Orochimaru’s laughter echoes in his ears, and beyond the fear and the anger, Sasuke has the confused hunch that he is being humiliated beyond mere mocking.

Afterwards, Orochimaru never misses an opportunity to use Naruto’s name. Every time he does, there’s the faintest trace of a smirk curling his lips. It sounds _dirty_ in his voice, and if Sasuke was twelve he’d lock himself into his shower and turn scalding water on until he heard nothing from the outside and his cheeks were no redder than the rest of him.

(it wouldn’t help; Sasuke’s thirteen and monsters are still waiting when you open the door, Sasuke’s thirteen and not a child anymore. Sasuke’s in Sound and he won’t give anyone the means to hurt him.)  


After a while Sasuke learns to control his reaction; to hide it so well, bury it so deeply he sometimes thinks there’s nothing to be hidden anymore.

He doesn’t like thinking of Naruto any more after the revelation than he did before, though.

Because when he does, he has to think about why he left Konoha. 

And then Sasuke is forced to admit that his reasons for leaving are maybe not as clear-cut as they once seemed. Because Naruto’s power really was the Kyuubi’s, and _he_ hadn’t been falling behind after all, and his best jutsu is still Chidori-based.

So Sasuke, instead, focuses on the power Orochimaru is feeding him, obligingly, smilingly; and he ignores the weight of the Sannin’s ironical looks. 

He was right to leave.

“ _Didn’t you know, Sasuke-kun_?”

He has to have been right.


End file.
